


New Normal

by Robin Hood (kjack89)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: COVID-19, Established Relationship, Heart-to-Heart, Light Angst, M/M, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:29:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25650643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjack89/pseuds/Robin%20Hood
Summary: “I don’t wanna go.”Christopher’s voice was small, and a little scared, and Eddie’s carefully controlled smile slipped for just a second. “I know, buddy,” he said, kneeling down in front of him. “But your abuelos are really excited to have you come stay with them for a bit.”Which wasn’t a lie, they were excited – but it also helped that they were away from Los Angeles and the coronavirus outbreak that could be deadly for Christopher. They could self-isolate there without the possibility that Eddie might bring the virus home with him from work.Christopher didn’t look convinced. “Then why don’t you come with?”Buck crouched down next to him, giving Christopher his usual easy grin. “Because then I’d be lonely,” he told Christopher. “Who’s gonna keep me company while you’re gone if not your dad?”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 197





	New Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I have an idea for a fic!
> 
> Also Me: Do they have some kind of misunderstanding and most of the fic is just them talking it through?
> 
> Me: ...I feel attacked.
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Usual disclaimer. Please be kind and tip your fanfic writers in the form of comments and/or kudos!

“I don’t wanna go.”

Christopher’s voice was small, and a little scared, and Eddie’s carefully controlled smile slipped for just a second. “I know, buddy,” he said, kneeling down in front of him. “But your abuelos are really excited to have you come stay with them for a bit.”

Which wasn’t a lie, they were excited – but it also helped that they were away from Los Angeles and the coronavirus outbreak that could be deadly for Christopher. They could self-isolate there without the possibility that Eddie might bring the virus home with him from work.

Christopher didn’t look convinced. “Then why don’t you come with?”

Eddie’s throat seemed tight, and for a minute, he couldn’t speak. This was the worst part. Just as Eddie knew that sending Christopher to stay with his grandparents was the best thing for him, staying in LA and doing everything he could to help was the best thing for Eddie.

Even if that meant being apart from his son for the foreseeable future.

Luckily, he was saved from having to explain any of that as Buck crouched down next to him, giving Christopher his usual easy grin. “Because then I’d be lonely,” he told Christopher. “Who’s gonna keep me company while you’re gone if not your dad?” 

He pouted comically and Christopher giggled. “See, I’m gonna miss that laugh,” Buck told him, glancing over at Eddie. “And you know your dad’s a lot less fun than you are.”

“Yeah, well, one of us has to be an adult,” Eddie said, though he couldn’t stop his own smile when Buck winked at him. “But Buck’s right, bud. We’re both going to miss you so much, and that’s why Buck needs me here.”

Christopher considered it for a moment before nodding. “Ok,” he relented. “But you’ll call me?”

“As often as I can,” Eddie assured him, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “Think of this like the summer camp you wanted to go to, only, y’know, with internet access.”

“And no bears,” Buck added, before pausing. “Wait, are there bears in Texas?”

Christopher laughed again and Buck grinned as he leaned in to hug him. “You’re gonna have so much fun that you’ll forget all about me and your dad,” he assured Christopher.

“Not possible,” Christopher said, his voice muffled slightly against Buck’s shirt. “Love you, Buck.”

Eddie’s throat felt tight again, and Buck’s voice was a little hoarse as he told Christopher, “Love you, too, Chris.”

Christopher let go of him and turned to head to the van where Carla was waiting. She had agreed to accompany him on the airplane, since Eddie couldn’t, and while Eddie was glad that someone would be with him, it still tore him up that it couldn’t be him.

He stood slowly and looked over at Buck. “Thanks for coming over to say goodbye.”

“You know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Buck said, reaching out to wrap his fingers through one of Eddie’s belt loops, tugging him a little closer. “You sure you don’t want me to come to the airport?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, I think it would only make it harder,” he said honestly.

Buck searched his expression for a moment. “You’re doing the right thing. You know that, right?”

“I know.”

Eddie didn’t feel as convinced as he tried to sound, and something of that must have shown on his face because Buck’s brow furrowed. Mercifully, he chose not to say anything, instead just leaning in to kiss Eddie lightly. “I’ll be here waiting for you to get home.”

“At least I have something to look forward to,” Eddie said, and he was surprised to find that he meant it, at least a little.

Or at least he was going to keep telling himself that while he drove his son to the airport to send him away for God only knew how long.

* * *

Life without Christopher in LA felt a little bit like being back in the Army. Eddie was working insane hours again as they all pulled doubles and triples to keep up with the demand for emergency services, and his calls with Christopher were often the only highlight of very long, tiring days.

Well, maybe not the only highlight. Getting to spend uninterrupted time with Buck sure had the Army beat.

The first time they walked out of the station house together after Christopher left and Buck asked casually, “My place or yours?”, Eddie stopped in his tracks.

“What?” Buck asked, catching a glimpse of the look on Eddie’s face. “You ok?”

Eddie shook his head. “I just – that’s the first time you’ve ever asked that. Normally we always have to go to my place because of Chris, but…”

He trailed off and Buck cocked his head slightly. “Well not to try and sway your choice but I _have_ been meaning to show off some of the perks of my place.”

“What possible perks could you have to show off that I haven’t already seen?” Eddie asked with a laugh.

Buck grinned wickedly. “My mattress has really good back support and I feel like you haven’t had a chance to fully experience that.”

Eddie shook his head even as he reached out to pull Buck closer to him. “Oh, is that so?” he murmured, tilting his head up to kiss Buck.

A half hour later, they were both enjoying the aforementioned back support as they sat on Buck’s bed, a box of pizza between them and an old game neither was really watching playing on ESPN on the TV. “I didn’t think this is what you had in mind,” Eddie said, taking a sip of beer.

“Oh, we’ll get to what I had in mind,” Buck said, grinning as he leaned forward to clink his beer bottle against Eddie’s. “I just figured you deserved a chance to relax first.”

“Thanks for that,” Eddie said honestly before glancing at his watch. “You want to call Christopher?”

Buck brightened. “Of course I do,” he said, “but we gotta hide the evidence or he’s gonna think we’re having a party without him.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but it was with obvious affection. “Fine, you take the ‘evidence’ to the kitchen, and I’ll get the iPad so we can Facetime.”

They spent the next half hour Facetiming with Christopher, who didn’t even question why they were calling from Buck’s bed instead of from Eddie’s place like usual.

And when they hung up with Christopher, Buck gave Eddie a very thorough demonstration of his mattress’s back support.

It was, Eddie thought as he drifted off to sleep, Buck already snoring contentedly next to him, almost enough to make him miss Christopher less.

* * *

But then what they thought was just going to be a few weeks in Texas stretched into months. Christopher stopped asking when he was going to get to come home, which was good, because Eddie had long since run out of excuses to give him.

It had become their new routine, spending his days at work, calling Christopher at least once a day, and spending the rest of his time with Buck, and as much as Eddie didn’t want to admit it, it was kind of nice not having to worry about Christopher, or not having to cut dates and time together short so that he could get home.

It was nice to just have Buck to himself.

But while Eddie hadn’t been a practicing Catholic in years, he had never quite lost the Catholic guilt, and the guilt at getting to enjoy spending time with his boyfriend because he had sent his son away was especially strong.

And his attempts to tamp it down, to not think about it or dwell on it, were no longer working.

Which is how he found himself sitting in bed next to Buck on a rare morning they both had off, Buck lazily scrolling through his phone while Eddie tried once more to stop from voicing the doubts that echoed in his head.

This time, he couldn’t.

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”

Buck didn’t look up from his phone. “What, actually taking our day off?” he asked distractedly. “At this rate, Bobby’s gonna bench us anyway if we didn’t, so—”

“No, not that,” Eddie said, sitting up a little straighter. “I mean about Christopher.”

Now Buck blinked up at him. “What about Christopher?” he asked, concerned. “Is he ok? Did something happen?”

Eddie shook his head. “Nothing happened.” He hesitated, trying to decide to word what he wanted to say next. “I just feel like this is wrong.”

Buck eyed him warily. “Should I get dressed?” he asked. “I feel like this is gonna be a conversation I should be dressed for.”

Eddie scowled. “Can you be serious for like half a minute?”

Buck’s expression didn’t change. “I was being serious,” he said. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on—”

“This has been perfect,” Eddie said, cutting him off, and Buck stared at him.

“Ok…”

Eddie scrubbed a hand across his face, frustrated that he couldn’t seem to get Buck to follow his thoughts. “Getting to spend time with you, to actually date you – it’s been more than I could’ve hoped for.”

“Why do I sense a but coming?” Buck asked, his brow furrowing.

Eddie huffed a sigh. “But it’s not going to last.”

For a moment, Buck looked stricken before he managed to school his expression into something more neutral. “Are you – are you breaking up with me?” he asked, and Eddie stared at him. “Because that takes some balls, actually, to break up with me while you’re naked in my bed. I’d be impressed if I wasn’t, you know, about to be dumped.”

Even his attempt at a joke felt hollow, and it took all that Eddie had not to reach out to him. “I’m not breaking up with you,” he said, watching Buck’s expression. “But this time has made me realize you might break up with me.”

Now Buck looked absolutely bewildered. “Do you know something I don’t, or…?”

“You could have this, Buck,” Eddie said, his voice low and a little desperate. “You could have someone where it’s just the two of you, always. Where you get to spend every morning like this.” He swallowed, hard. “You’re never going to get that with me. Not for very long, at least.”

“What are you trying to say?” Buck asked cautiously.

“I’m trying to say that I don’t love you more than my son.”

Again, it wasn’t quite how Eddie intended on wording it, but he still looked defiantly at Buck, who just blinked. “Ok?” he said, his voice pitching the word as a question. “I feel like I’m supposed to be offended by this but, like, Christopher is your son so of course you love him more?”

“No, you—” Eddie broke off, frustrated again. “You’re missing the point.”

Buck raised both eyebrows. “Uh, you gonna get to that point anytime soon?”

“My point is that I always told Christopher that he’s my whole world,” Eddie snapped, and when Buck just stared at him, he sighed and added, “But he’s not anymore.”

“Again, I feel like I’m supposed to apologize—”

“I love you,” Eddie said.

Buck opened his mouth and immediately closed it again. “I...yes. Same?”

Despite himself, Eddie snorted a laugh. “Always the romantic.”

But Buck just shook his head. “Look, you know I love you, and I love Christopher, and I have no idea what’s going on right now, so—”

“So you’re part of my world now, too.” Buck’s expression softened but Eddie didn’t let him interrupt. “And I don’t know how to have you the way that I want to while also taking care of him the way that I have to. I want this, Buck – mornings like this—”

“Well maybe not exactly like this,” Buck muttered.

Eddie ignored him. “And going on dates. Spending time together just you and me. Having, I don't know, a normal relationship. But as soon as Christopher comes back, this all ends. And part of me doesn’t want him to come back.”

As soon as he said it out loud, Eddie wanted to take it back, guilt curling in his stomach that he would even have that thought, let alone voice it. But Buck’s expression didn’t change. “Pretty sure every parent’s had that thought every now and then,” he said evenly. “It doesn’t make you a bad dad, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Doesn’t it?” Eddie asked softly. “It’s like, either I’m gonna be a bad dad, or I’m gonna be a bad boyfriend. I don’t know how to do both. And I promised Christopher I’d do right by him, and I will. But I also want to do right by you. Because I love you.”

Buck shook his head slowly. “I love you too.”

“And this, right now, just you and me—” Eddie broke off. “I wish this could always be us,” he said wistfully.”

Buck half-smiled. “I love you,” he repeated. “But I don’t want that.”

Eddie looked up at him, startled. “You don’t?”

“Look, don’t get me wrong, I’ve, uh, I’ve enjoyed this,” Buck said, gesturing between them. “But I’ve enjoyed it because I know it’s not going to last. And I don’t want it to. I love Christopher and I miss him every single day.”

“So you don’t– you don’t resent that it’s never just gonna be you and me?” Eddie asked cautiously.

Buck barked a laugh. “Not in a million years,” he assured Eddie. “I knew what I was getting into. I knew it was a package deal, and I didn’t just fall in love with you.” He reached out and Eddie didn’t hesitate, letting Buck pull him close, smiling slightly when Buck kissed his temple. “I will never replace Shannon, but I love your son and I want to be a part of your family for as long as you’ll have me.”

Eddie let out a breath that he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding for what felt months now. “I miss him,” he murmured.

“I know,” Buck said, rubbing his thumb along the fine hairs on the back of Eddie’s neck. “And I know it’s hard, because you sent him away so he’d be safe and it’s not any safer there. But he has your mom, and your dad, and they love him and they will do everything they can to keep him safe until we can.” Eddie couldn’t help but kiss him at that, and when they broke apart, both men were finally smiling. “And for what it’s worth,” Buck added, “finding a little bit of happiness until that happens doesn’t make you a bad dad.” He poked Eddie in his side, and Eddie made a face and squirmed away. “Just like how prioritizing your son will never make you a bad boyfriend. At least not to me.”

Eddie nodded slowly. “Thank you,” he said finally.

Buck shrugged. “Nothing to thank me for.”

“Still.”

“I know,” Buck said, pulling Eddie close again and kissing the top of his head. “I know.” They stayed like that for a long moment before Buck said. “By the way, I meant what I told Christopher.”

Eddie titled his head back to look up at him. “Which part?”

Buck smiled down at him. “The part where I’d be lonely without you.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and rested his head against Buck’s shoulder. “Well, thanks to work and COVID, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Good,” Buck said bracingly before sitting up, ignoring Eddie’s protest at getting dislodged. “And in the meantime, I may have thought of something that’ll make it feel a little bit like old times again.”

He stood, grabbing a pair of boxer briefs off the floor and making a face when he realized they were Eddie’s. He tossed them at Eddie, who caught them, laughing. “Oh yeah?” Eddie asked with a grin. “What did you have in mind?”

That was how they found themselves sitting on the couch that afternoon, the iPad propped between them so that Christopher could watch them playing video games, just like the three of them used to do. It wasn’t quite the same as having Christopher seated between them, but Christopher was laughing and Buck was grinning, and for just a moment, Eddie knew that whatever normal ended up looking like from here on out, as long as he had Buck and Christopher, the three of them would somehow figure it out.

Because that’s what families did.


End file.
